I did some reflection just last night while flipping though my going-to-expire passport, filled with chops. As I traced back the dates on the stamps, I started to think back on the people I had travelled with, the places we’ve been to, was it for a special occasion, etc etc. So much memories came pouring back! And I was kinda smiling in my heart and feeling pretty elated and at peace.
If I was doing this same thing just 1 or 2 years back, I wouldn’t have had such pleasant and sweet emotions. Instead I think I’d be feeling bitter and resentful, and will choose to just throw my passport aside, abruptly shut the door of my emotions and go to bed in a not-so-good mood.
Now I know, that I have really moved forward, my heart has moved on too. As I always say, I know I will eventually be grateful and thankful for all good and not-so-good experiences and events that I have to go through. I used to be just saying it, now I know I’m feeling it as well. The spiritual freedom I felt last night was just so light-hearted and weightless, that I’ve come to accept all that has passed with a positive and graceful attitude. Most importantly, I’ve come to accept myself and who I am today (this includes my past as well). This feels really good!
As I look back, my heart and my life shattered into pieces just as year 2012 started. When I thought I could depend on another important aspect in my life to rebuild myself, it crumbled into pieces just as year 2013 unfolded as well. I think I totally lost myself, lost my heart and lost my soul. From then till now, so many things have happened, so many events have passed, I’ve come to realize the people and things I hold most dearly to. These are the people who will always be with me, no matter what happens; to share my joy and celebrate my achievements during good times, and to support me and continue to have unwavering faith, confidence and trust in me during bad times. So blessed to have them in my life.
Almost half of this year has passed. Things have been going pretty well so far, and different parts of my life are starting to fall into pieces. I know some wounds have been healed, but I’m well aware that I’ve not fully recovered yet. So, I shall dedicate the remaining time of this year to complete my wound-healing process, as well as to recreate a more beautiful and loving heart and soul. There will be some scars on it, it may seem imperfect, but it will shine and radiate brightly because of these scars. Without these scars, there wouldn’t be substance and flavour to it. And life is all about savouring different spices and flavours, isn’t it? With a bigger heart and a more beautiful soul, I am totally looking forward to celebrating my birthday and ending this year with a bang in Aussie! Moving on into the new year, I guess I’ll be ready to open my heart to love again. 🙂
♥ JY 🙂